I wish I had been taught about manipulative, narcissistic, psychopaths early on.  I have wanted to write a post about my experience.  Our children need to be taught, and I hope that my post will open the door for discussion early on in their development  as kind and wondrous little people, in such a way as to not make them fearful but aware.

I honestly can't remember where I went wrong when and guess I was naive like most young women.  I believed that everyone in this world tried to be as good as possible in life.  I unfortunately met a very awful man and it became absolutely destructive.  I know if I would have met him at 30 I would never have given him the time of day.  However meeting him at 17, different story.

To be honest I knew nothing of abuse simply because I was raised in a loving family where I never experienced anything to be wary of.  To be honest, my parents also had never met someone as awful in their life, so they were not ready for the years to come.

I had never actually met a individual in an abusive relationship at this point.  I never understood it.  I always was confident and had an attitude "why would anyone stay with in abusive situation?"  I never understood it.  However sadly, now I do.  This is something I felt I needed to share because not only did my family not know how to deal with it, neither did I.

We need to teach our children about these people that exist. We need to teach them about the signs to be aware of.  We need to teach them that love doesn't hurt and that there is plenty of fish in the sea.  I'm a big believer now to let your children date.  This sounds shocking.  However teaching them to be able to spot a bad relationship and to move on is a learnt skill.  Teaching them about safe dating and to protect their hearts is so important.

I have taken a good long time to heal.  I have gotten help.  I have a very incredible relationship and to be honest I can actually appreciate it now having been in such a toxic one.

Unfortunately there is more and more of these toxic individuals out there.  I regularly open up to women who share stories of their sisters, friends, or even family who have either been in a toxic relationship or are even currently still in one.  I'm learning now that it is a huge problem to have our guard down when meeting someone so awful.

Here are a few things to discuss with your children and for you to also be prepared for them to run into someone so toxic and how to help them understand the signs.

Jealousy -  First sign.  Teach your children that the moment a person is very jealous to literally walk away.  Jealousy is not love.  Unfortunately some of us believe that shows that a person really cares.  This is so wrong.  A caring person who is confident and treats their partner right has no need to be jealous.  Being called awful names for having friends that are of the opposite sex is a horrible sign these individuals are insecure and going to try to kill your confidence in order to break you.

Control - They try to make you feel guilty for so many things.  This can be something so simple as the first night you go out without them.  You lose all sense of alone time because it no longer exists.

Lies - this is something I will instill in my children.  I DO NOT LIE TO THEM!!! No matter what. I may slightly sensor my answers based on age.  There is some things children are not ready to hear however I do not lie.  I respect them and they respect me.  I have answered questions with "when you are older I will explain that to you but right now you are too young"  Don't teach them that there are acceptable lies.  Teach them that even some of the little lies add up.  The first time I was lied to by a man that I thought loved me I had a really hard time.  It actually destroyed me.  I made excuses every time he cheated, spent money, or even made me lie to my own friends and family.

Trying to change you - what I still have yet to really understand is why these toxic people just don't hunt out a partner they don't have to change.  I do know that it's part of their toxic manipulative game.   Sometimes they make you wear clothes or shoes you don't want to, or want you to change the clothing you already wear, change your friends, or even try to make you think different are out there.  Strength in loving yourself and knowing who you are is hard when you are young and establishing your own self.

Emotional Abuse is still abuse - Many of us don't see the first signs of abuse because it doesn't come with bruises.  Trust me, they start slow.  Very methodical.  First by making you feel you are ugly or not worthy.  However when they begin with this abuse they follow it up with an apology or a insincere compliment.  It's a game.  Once they have hurt you once and you have forgiven them you have lost.  Lost at their manipulation game and it goes down hill from there.

You can not discuss relationship problems - This was the kicker for me.  He had actually told me to never discuss our problems with anyone because "every ones relationship is the same nobody talks about it"  He actually had me convinced that everyone had a sad relationship like us,  and that I never should discuss things and I should make him look better so people like him more.  I remember the first time I actually got the guts to really ask a friend some open questions I began to learn that in fact healthy relationships are nothing like what I am going through.  I had even asked a buddy of mine for an honest guy opinion and he was shocked with what I was living in.  Actually sickened to know that I was able to function on the outside with such a crazy toxic relationship hiding behind the doors.


It continues to be a cycle and unfortunately these toxic people can continue to produce toxic children just like them so unless we teach our children how to spot them before love blinds them, they will unfortunately go through something so very hard.

Going through a toxic relationship is the hardest thing I have had to overcome.  Please take the time to explain and teach your children.  We are raising our children to be a good addition to this world, not individuals who go through this world on a destructive path destroying everyone in the their way.  My children will know the signs, as well as how to respect and care for others.

I am grateful every day for an incredible husband.  Healthy loving relationships exist I PROMISE.  Don't settle.  Keep looking.  

BE STRONG ENOUGH TO LET GO 

AND 

WISE ENOUGH TO WAIT FOR WHAT YOU DESERVE.

I'm sitting here watching my husband play with our two kids and am so very grateful.  I married an incredible husband one that will set the bar high for our daughter in choosing a husband one day.  As well, setting a standard for what my son hopes to be as a husband.  Not only is he an amazing husband......he is an outstanding father.

I figured I would share just one day as so many of you ask me how we structure our days.  We begin our day with a really great sleep.  No rushing.  My husband is off to work early in the morning so he can be home before dinner to spend time with the kids.  This means when they wake they roll into our room and I get a moment to just cherish my children.  We lay in bed and discuss what we will do today or if we had any dreams.  Then we head down for breakfast.

My kids eat.  They eat so much that I really feel so much time is spent in the kitchen.  They have breakfast at 7 ish so they are ready for second breakfast around 9:30.  I do feel it's because we eat rather clean so they eat very regularly.

My 6 year old son eats faster than my 1.5 year old daughter which actually comes in handy.  I get moms asking all the time if homeschooling is possible with younger kids around.  Yes, it is.....don't get me wrong it is challenging however achievable.  We implemented a crate system this year which I absolutely am in love with.  At the beginning of the year I rip up all his work books.  Yes you heard me right.  I place sheets week by week into folders.  This allows him to be more independent as well. Usually Monday we start our week off with a new math lesson with Math U See, so he watches the video and the rest of the week he can do his pages on his own.  This system works so well for us.  He is able to start on it even while his sister eats breakfast.

Now we work together on work sheets and activities.  Usually each day we do a few pages of math, a few pages of English.  Then we work on our other subjects such as health, social and science.  If we have experiments or more hands on stuff I organise that after breakfast.  While we spend about an hour and a half working my youngest daughter colours for about an hour.  Or she spends some time in the play room.  Some days are better than others.  Let's face it, she is only a year and a half and can be a bit distracting.  If we are struggling with her distracting us and my son unable to focus we take a break.  We take some time to play or turn up the music.  We spend the rest of the morning really just having fun.
























Now in order to make my home run smooth we all pitch in.  Everyone has to help.  So my son will unload the dishwasher while my daughter (who is only a year and a half dusts or vacuums)  We like to keep a clean organised home.  I do love how my son will play and make a mess with his friends when they come over however once everyone is gone he takes some time to himself to get his room back in order.






Routine is so important!!!  As well I do believe that the more you get your children helping the better your family flows.  I see families struggling because the parents are constantly cleaning up after kids. We could never homeschool if this was the case in our home.

Our afternoons are filled with friends and field trips and activities.  Usually while my daughter naps my son will take that time to quietly read, do a craft, or finish up anything we didn't get around to in the morning for school work.  This allows me a little time to myself to catch up on work (edit as I am a photographer) as well blog about our crazy fun life.

We also plan meals and the kids help me.  I want them involved.  My son will chop and daughter will mix.  They learn these lovely skills young.  So when dad gets home from work he gets to play and catch up with the kids before dinner.

I meet or chat with mom's nearly each week with nowhere to turn asking questions of how to start homeschool or what it includes.  I remember making the decision to homeschool and not knowing where to begin.  Now that we are crazy homeschoolers my words to mom's and scheduling is you can do it!  It will fit into your life any way you make it work.  Homeschooling allows for a wonderful flexible schedule which is only one amazing part.