I had my third child August 2017.  This was not the perfect  delivery wanted by every mother.  If you have a minute, read the post I wrote about it.  This was traumatizing on our newborn, myself, and my family.  Never did I imagine things would go so very wrong.

My lovely little dude got stuck.  They wouldn't listen to me when I said "I build big babies" (yes he's my third so I think I have a little evidence to support this comment)  He got stuck so bad in my pelvis that three nurses had to literally jump on my belly to pop his shoulders out.  It was insane!  He came out bruised and swollen from head to toe.

Now lets fast forward to the moment we brought him home.  He was a very sad and angry baby.  However that is to be expected.  We also completely believe in Chiropractic so began regularly seeing our Chiropractor from the moment we brought him home.

I said from the beginning I think he's angry.  I honestly felt he came out angry.  Doctors said he was fine.  So I began researching on line "birth trauma therapy".  I was looking into many alternative healing methods.  Bodytalk, Reiki, and Cranial Sacral Therapy.  This little guy was upset & crying at least 80 percent of his day.  He also was up 6 to 7 times a night while our other two kids were such great sleepers.  We hadn't changed our style of parenting and this little baby was rapidly changing our happy family.  As time went on, the other two kids were definitely feeling the stress of a crying baby.  As his mom I could say this to friends and family that the crying and anger was hard.  Even something so simple as nursing, he wasn't happy.  Although he nursed fine, latched and ate well, there was never that relaxed content feeling.  He never relaxed.


Finally one day my husband came home from work to a wife who had had enough.  Let's just say as a stay at home mom, who works part time, and home schools......I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!  He is so supportive and said "love it's worth us trying something".  So I began to look into recommendations online.

I found a woman who was a trained Paediatric Chiropractor,  and also practised cranial work.  She does a lot of "other" things and is completely trained for this exact situation.  Now we made an appointment and sat down with her.  I was definitely in tears when she looked at my baby.....the one I had been looking at for a full year and said "Absolutely just looking at him! He has some issues".  This made me sad but at the same time very hopeful.  So we began to discuss his behaviours and treatment options.

Well.. I said with a long pause, He cries or is angry 80 percent of the day, doesn't sleep, doesn't eat solids and just throws his food.  He's not just a demanding baby because he's not happy,  if you put him down he screams, but is not happy if you hold him.  I have friends who can attest to this miserable little man.

So she checked him out.  She felt his little body.  She even showed me that absolutely he has some nerve issues and that he actually probably isn't sleeping because he loses his limbs at night and wakes unable to feel where they are.  This seemed shocking, but she showed me a test and he actually didn't even feel anything in one foot.  Holy! She also noticed a ton of tension in the meningeal tissue (this is the connective tissue that anchors and protects the whole central nervous system aka. brain and spinal cord).  This tissue has strong anchors to the bone in the head, upper neck, and at the sacrum at the bottom.  She was so helpful to explain this in simple mom terms. If you hold a towel at both ends and twist it either way, you will end up with the tension along the whole towel.  This underlying tension can be disruptive to the clarity of the signals throughout the body, leaving a baby in severe discomfort.

She often hears of colic, tummy trouble, latching concerns, poor sleep, inability to lie still or be "content".  Later on the symptoms seem to change and hears complaints of drastic mood swings, anxiety, headaches, or behavioural issues among other things.

So we began treatments 3 times a week. The first time she really put pressure on different spots in his body.  She explained that she would use a mix of techniques, but all are low force tension holds, similar to pressure points.  She blends at least 4 different chiropractic techniques. This was unlike any other chiropractic treatment previously experienced. Now, let's not kid ourselves.....a child who is miserable constantly, isn't really going to be the biggest fan of these treatments.  I was asked to lay him on my chest while I laid on the table, and all the while he would be screaming and flailing.  Then, during our third treatment, I felt something I have never felt in over a year. Relaxation! He went from full blown screaming and crying to quite and calm and still. He has never ever just relaxed, or sat still for that matter. I felt his weight shift from a muscly flail to a still, soft and relaxed baby. A first time experience for the both of us...he had never felt so content....even while nursing.  This made me cry.  Then we got in the car and he slept all the way home.


So after our first week I felt like we had found a miracle.  She said "This will be a process so be patient, as it might take a little time".  I ended up having to take a trip to Edmonton for work and was so nervous because I didn't want to miss a treatment.  She allowed me to even come to her home at 8 am on my way to the airport because she knew I was serious.  I was dreading flying on my own and struggling through the airport with 2 kids.  This trip was amazing.  He was happy and smiling.  He even slept through the night twice which seemed insane to me as we were in an unfamiliar place and sleeping in a playpen.  Hooray!

Now it's been a month and we are down to once a week and she is thrilled with the results.  He is happy almost all the time.  He's up once a night and eating so much better.  She explained to me that he is no longer stuck in "fight or flight mode" and that unfortunately the best way to describe it was that he had a headache or built up tension from the day he was born.  Could you imagine how angry we would be as an adult?

Many of you could think "oh yes just a hippy dippy mom saying her kid is now happy", however I can't fake this.  I can't make this up.  I can't make up the fact that is he no longer up all night.  Or that everyone around us has noticed he is not constantly crying.  We are actually hearing him full blown belly laugh, all the while smiling from ear to ear.

If you are located in Kelowna, BC and are interested in seeing this amazing woman who has helped our son and our family find peace.

http://www.ohpkelowna.com/about-ohp-kelowna/our-practitioners/mandy-downie-dc/

Guess what it's tax season.  Time to send the government their money.  Or get money back.  Who know's.  However Taxes is something so many children are not taught.  Including myself.

Now looking back at my childhood and education I realise now that some of my own life challenges are things that I was not taught.  I know so many adults that were not taught what I call "life skills".  These are so damn important, yet our children are not learning this valuable skills.

Money management

Taxes

Such a forbidden subject.  Nobody really teaches their children.  Heck parents will help their children purchase a house however not teach them everything to know about taxes.  These are things I'm typing and can honestly say I know nothing about.  However homeschooling we will be learning as we go along and teaching our children so they don't end up in the world lost and unsure of taxes.  My son is only 7 yet he is beginning to understand taxes and how we pay them and why we do.

Marriage

Such a touchy subject as well that many parents don't discuss with their children.  I give parents credit to not fight in front of their children or ever disagree.  Can I ask you this though?  Is this real life?  So now we have children never learning how to disagree, argue, or even fight for that matter.  Now when I say this I can honestly say my marriage is AMAZING! We don't argue so this isn't something we have to hide from kids.  However I can tell you that we do disagree sometimes and it's okay for our children to witness this.  I want my children to have respect for their partner.  I want them to learn "how to fight" so that they aren't out in this world expecting to either never fight or fighting dirty.  Marriage is about working together and having a partner in life.  However what if you can't appreciate that?  What if you were never taught this or shown this in your own home?  How can we expect children to just grow up and know how to be a good partner if they don't witness these skills from us as parents.

Literally I ask myself this question probably daily.  A lot more lately as I'm running on very little sleep, covered in puke hourly, and feel all I do is stand in the kitchen preparing food for these 3 little beings that never seem to stop eating.  I'm truly shocked with how much food these children consume in a day.  No wonder our grocery shops are so huge and our fridge is constantly empty.

I also have days I cannot beleive my husband stays married to me.  Those days where I struggle.  I struggle to actually shower, or make dinner, or simply smile without falling asleep.  I do however know I chose the absolutely best person to spend the rest of my life with because he in all of this chaos seems to stay so very positive.

Motherhood is incredible.  Its one of the most gratifying experiences, yet at the same time one of the most difficult.  I remember the days where I could simply pop into a grocery store and wander down the aisles checking out my produce and ensuring that I pick the best.  Now its a rush with 3 children to just put items in the cart (if the avocado is super ripe i'll add it into my smoothies to cover that up lol)

When I became a mother I didn't know I would put so much pressure on myself to be such a good mother.  I try.  I try so hard.  I fall asleep rambling in my husbands ear "wow i feel like a failure today because the kids played on their ipad for an hour, yet there are other mom's doing heroin with babies in their bellies".  He just laughs and says "oh love you are exhausted".  I had ideas of things I wanted to be aware of when I had babies.  I knew simple things like I knew I wanted to homeschool, feed clean food, and allow my kids to grow up slow.  Things I knew I would have to focus hard on were things that might not come as simple to me.  Certain ways we were raised are sometimes hard habits to break.  I know I'm a very involved mom, however sometimes I struggle to be a softer mom.  Sometimes when my family is sick the hardness comes out in me and I need to conciously be aware of this.  I need to stop and just cuddle them.  Rather than me wanting to say "you are fine! be tough".  I honestly have to stop myself because it can be such a habit.  Just taking time to listen and allow them to be soft.

I would never change the way my life turned out.  Even in all this chaos I would have 5,430 babies if I could.  This is probably a sickness or some form of baby hoarding.  Thankfully my husband doesn't allow this.  We do lose ourselves when we become mothers.  We however gain so much.  So much love!


Now all I can pray for is that all these lovely babies of mine continue having lot's of babies this way I get to share my love with grandkids.


XOXO

Now first off I want to say to all you moms who work out of the home what a challenge you really have for saving money and meal planning because I feel like it’s nearly a full time job.

We have been clean eating for nearly 3 years, that means literally little to no processed foods.  This isn’t simple but since we made the choice we have all felt better, had more energy, and rarely sick.  Now as a homeschool family I feel like I spend mainly all my day in the kitchen. One meal is done and then they are requesting a snack.

We are also a gluten feee family and as much organic as possible. We do have a budget and I try my best to stick to it. Currently our budget is $600 a month for a family of 5.  Many of my friends say "yeah right....you have got to teach me your secrets".  I also have many moms reaching out asking for help meal planning and grocery shopping.

So I felt I would try to share my tricks.

1. I am aware of prices EVERYWHERE.  I know what is a good deal and what isn't.  I stay away from purchasing things just because we want them and stock up on things when they are on sale.  I know the price of butter at Costco is nearly half the price of Superstore so I make sure to only purchase items where they are the least amount of money.
2. Download the app "PC Optimum" I do majority of my shop at Superstore every two weeks and I am sure to spend the minimum to get the promotion.  Eg. Spend $250 get 25,000 points which is equivalent to $25.00.  Also I am careful to watch the days the new flier comes out and sometimes I go shopping on the Thursday if the offer suits our family better or wait until the new flier comes out on Friday.  Also if for example the deal is "processed frozen chicken strips"  I advise them we have a gluten allergy and they usually always give me the points equivalent.  Also in order to use the APP to the best of your ability.  Each week you must "don't show again" to items you don't purchase.  This can take a good month of each week loading your offers and getting rid of the garbage or saving the items if you regularly use them and just don't need them till next week.  Eg.  Originally when I signed up they gave me garbage foods like pringles chips and granola bars.  Now it's all produce, organic, and gluten free items so my points add up really quickly.
3. Download the app "Buy me a pie" this is my shopping list app.  This helps me to always have an ongoing list on my phone.  I am also able to create multiple shopping lists Eg. Superstore, Costco, and Bulk Barn.  This keeps me very organized and literally as I am cooking and I run out of something I quickly add it to the list immediately.
   

Superstore

Costco

Bulk Barn

Meal Ideas on a typical week.

Whole Organic Chicken (I throw it in the slow cooker in the morning) w/ Caesar salad.  We also don't purchase croutons or bacon bits.  It's really easy to make gluten free croutons from bread (takes 5 minutes).  Also so much better than a bagged Caesar salad. Then I take the left overs and shred it and make Chicken Salad with gluten free crackers for lunch the next day.

I see mom's every day struggling to be the best mom they can possibly be,  including myself.  Recently I have witnessed some awful instances of mothers not being their best.  This is quite shocking to me because I have huge mom guilt if I don't do enough crafting or if I allow my children to play on the iPad.  Then there is a side of the real world that I actually never really put a lot of thought into.

There is mom's who don't care.  There is women on the street having babies on drugs and they don't think anything of it.  How can this be?  How can this even be a reality.  These babies are struggling from the moment they enter the world.  Being addicted to drugs, struggling with major health issues, and even just being alone.  There are children being abused, neglected, and not loved.  Thankfully there is a lot of mother's in the world willing to step up.

Mom guilt is such a real thing.  Especially in this day and age of the lovely world of social media.  Many of us put so much pressure on ourselves, to be the best.  I know this first hand.  My expectations of myself are huge.  I want my kids to be healthy, happy, and educated.  I definitely consider myself a controlling mama.  One who wants to protect her children from many things in this world.  Am I perfect?  NO! but do I try YES!

My family pointed out the other day that they see how hard I try as a mother and am immersed in my children.  They truly are my life.  I do sometimes notice that I have definitely lost a lot of "me" however I wouldn't have it any other way.  For me I have made this choice.  I made the choice to have 3 beautiful children.  I made the choice to be at home with them.  I made the choice to homeschool them.  I want the absolute best for them.

So when the time comes one day when they are older I will have all the time in the world for "me".  So mom bun and leggings it is.  Finding time to simply get my hair done now is a lot more of a challenge.  Don't get me wrong my husband is incredible and would drop everything to give me as much "me" time as I needed.  However let's face it, there is only so many hours in a day.  The last thing I can see myself doing is taking time in the evening for myself when I'm so very exhausted.



   I always point out to mom's who are overwhelmed and struggling to start with something simple.  I have to take reminders from my husband.  Sometimes when we are having a difficult day getting out the door I just have to realize that's ok.  Slow down.  Or when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed sometimes we just have to reset it and have a bubble bath.  On days when homeschooling is a struggle (and trust me we do have those) we just need to put it away.  We need to go outside for a walk or just have time to play.

I am blessed with 3 healthy children.  No issues.  No behaviour issues.  I actually had another mom at one of my sons activities ask me how I do it.  "How the heck do you do 3 and homeschool and still smile".  I only have one and I am overwhelmed.  My response " I don't even know what you are going through because my kids are all healthy, so I give you credit"  She actually offered to pay me to meal plan and grocery shop for her as we were discussing how I felt the importance of nutrition so important to my children health and happiness.  Like I have the time for this service.  So I just wrote her a list of some simple ideas to try.  That is all I have to give.


I have days where I feel like supermom.  Everything goes right and everyone seems to be all on the same planet.  Moods are good, everyone sleeps, and I feel fantastic.  These days I cherish.  Then there are also the ones I struggle through.  Drinking too many cups of coffee to count, staying in pjs all day, and feeling completely out of control.

There is no right or wrong way to do things all we can do as mother's is try to be our absolute best.

So today.  Give yourself a pat on the back.  Sometimes we just need to hear we are doing okay.

Also if you see another mom out there doing a great job be sure to compliment her because I bet she is also struggling with
MOM GUILT!

This may seem so very odd as some of my fun childhood memories are of sleeping over at friends or having them stay over at my house.  However times are so very different.

I had a lovely conversation with a mommy friend mentioning all my concerns and issues surrounding sleepovers and she said “hey we have decided as a family that we will never have sleepovers”.  This made me feel not so crazy.

So many issues I have with sleepovers now a days and honestly it just doesn’t fit for our family.  Maybe because I am such a controlling parent however I am also totally ok with that. I never knew how terrifying being a parent would be until I was in the midst of trying to raise my children.   I would rather have a rule from day one that have to implement this rule later in life due to an unfortunate circumstance.

From what we have seen from sleepovers kids like to stay up late, which can be a tonne of fun however for me as a parent the next day is miserable.  I’ve dealt with my own child suffering from anxiety as well children sleeping over with similar issues.  We have implemented such good routine and sleep habits that we simply don’t want to disrupt this.  I'm currently laughing while typing this because our older two children sleep well.....let me tell you about this 4 month old of ours who has thrown anything we thought we knew right out the window.

Kids now a days have technology readily available and this isn’t something I feel comfortable with as a parent.  We have all of our technology limited and restricted however not every other family is the same.  Imagine if your child has access to Netflix with no parent around. Now imagine another child has an older cousin or friend teaching your child something.  Imagine your child knows how to spell and how readily available very awful things are on the internet.  This makes me very uncomfortable.

Now that we have 3 children we have to take the best interest of the whole family into consideration.  Whether it's our oldest son having a friend sleepover and having his younger sister just next door in her room.  It takes just a minute for something awful to happen.  This is not something I am willing to have as a parental regret.  Now we choose our friends and our childrens friends and they are all great people, however sometimes not great things can be taught to unsuspecting little people.  We may not even be aware of this. I remember as a teenage having sleepovers and sneaking out and let me tell you that we did nothing GOOD!  Chances are most sleepovers are innocent, but I'm not taking any chances.

So rather than having to make this rule at a later date we have chosen to implement this from the start.  We sat our oldest down (who is 7) to discuss this and he was not upset at all.  He completely understood and said it's ok guys I like sleeping in my own bed. 

We discussed our solution to our NO SLEEPOVER POLICY.  This included "late night date night" which is something special, just like sleepovers.  We could go for pizza and a movie and stay up late.  Yet everyone goes home to their own beds.  We also discussed doing family sleepovers.  We could stay over as a family at our friends houses but I don't see that happening any time soon with our baby who doesn't sleep.

I was so very grateful for having reached out to a friend who made me feel a lot less crazy and that my decision was absolutely normal.

For me sleepovers just aren't worth it.  I am just not willing to take any chances I might day regret.

If you homeschool you know what I am talking about.

The odd responses when someone asks if you homeschool.  "Wow! I could never do that I don't have the patience"  "Aren't you worried about socialization?"  "Are you a teacher?"  "Do you actually think you will do this forever?"

First off......I don't reply with things like "do you like your children?"  "do you want to nuture their character?"  "do you even know what they are learning in school right now?"

I'm a mother....first and foremost and there is no right or wrong way to be a mother.  Everyone is struggling to do what they feel is best for their children and their families.  So before you judge someone just realize something.....they are just a mom like you doing what's best for their family.

Now.  I am going to answer all the lovely questions I get asked when someone finds out we homeschool.

1)  Yes it does take a lot of patience and as my husband would say "I could never do what you do however am so grateful that you do homeschool our children".  Yes I have made the choice to give up some of my "me" time in order to raise my children.  Patience is a great asset when homeschooling.  However let's be honest.....and real, it's something we as parents all have to continually work on.  I do also feel like when you comment like "I could never do that!"  I don't really think you look at it at all avenues.  There is many different options.  Co-ops, partial school, or even online school.  I don't know how many of you mom's get your kids up in the morning, rushing out the door, and making lunches but I don't ask you how you do that.  Let's face it....it just works for your family.

2)  NO I'm not worried whatsoever about socialization.  Our homeschool community is great.  On average we are probably doing 3 activities each week with other homeschooled children.  As well as regular extra curriculars such as soccer, taekwondo, and music.  The best part is our children learn to socialize with adults and children of all ages.  I've found that my children are very well rounded and completely social.  You won't see my child look at a kid younger than them and roll their eyes.  We live in a neighborhood with a lot of retired people and at first I was a little nervous because our children would be wandering around and chatting.  I get told regularly by neighbors that they are an absolute joy in the neighborhood and are so incredible to talk to.

3) NO I am not a teacher (no I haven't gone to school to teach children)  but yes I'm a teacher to my own child.  I give teachers so much credit though.  They have to not only deal with children that are not their own all day every week, but they have to deal with many things parents should be dealing with.  I get to focus on their school yes, but also teach and raise them at the same time.  I get to ensure they have manners, compassion, as well as discipline them when needed.  Also how great is it that I get to learn everything again along side my children.

3)  YES I do hope to homeschool my children the whole way through however I am taking each day at a time.  I'm not unrealistic.  If we ever hit a point where it doesn't work for us then we will evaluate it then.  I also know I would NEVER just follow along and put them into public school, but that's a choice we would make as a family.  There is a lot of amazing resources and things along the way that we will absolutely take part in.

So before you judge...take a minute to realize we are all just mom's doing the best for our families.