I wish I had been taught about manipulative, narcissistic, psychopaths early on.  I have wanted to write a post about my experience.  Our children need to be taught, and I hope that my post will open the door for discussion early on in their development  as kind and wondrous little people, in such a way as to not make them fearful but aware.

I honestly can't remember where I went wrong when and guess I was naive like most young women.  I believed that everyone in this world tried to be as good as possible in life.  I unfortunately met a very awful man and it became absolutely destructive.  I know if I would have met him at 30 I would never have given him the time of day.  However meeting him at 17, different story.

To be honest I knew nothing of abuse simply because I was raised in a loving family where I never experienced anything to be wary of.  To be honest, my parents also had never met someone as awful in their life, so they were not ready for the years to come.

I had never actually met a individual in an abusive relationship at this point.  I never understood it.  I always was confident and had an attitude "why would anyone stay with in abusive situation?"  I never understood it.  However sadly, now I do.  This is something I felt I needed to share because not only did my family not know how to deal with it, neither did I.

We need to teach our children about these people that exist. We need to teach them about the signs to be aware of.  We need to teach them that love doesn't hurt and that there is plenty of fish in the sea.  I'm a big believer now to let your children date.  This sounds shocking.  However teaching them to be able to spot a bad relationship and to move on is a learnt skill.  Teaching them about safe dating and to protect their hearts is so important.

I have taken a good long time to heal.  I have gotten help.  I have a very incredible relationship and to be honest I can actually appreciate it now having been in such a toxic one.

Unfortunately there is more and more of these toxic individuals out there.  I regularly open up to women who share stories of their sisters, friends, or even family who have either been in a toxic relationship or are even currently still in one.  I'm learning now that it is a huge problem to have our guard down when meeting someone so awful.

Here are a few things to discuss with your children and for you to also be prepared for them to run into someone so toxic and how to help them understand the signs.

Jealousy -  First sign.  Teach your children that the moment a person is very jealous to literally walk away.  Jealousy is not love.  Unfortunately some of us believe that shows that a person really cares.  This is so wrong.  A caring person who is confident and treats their partner right has no need to be jealous.  Being called awful names for having friends that are of the opposite sex is a horrible sign these individuals are insecure and going to try to kill your confidence in order to break you.

Control - They try to make you feel guilty for so many things.  This can be something so simple as the first night you go out without them.  You lose all sense of alone time because it no longer exists.

Lies - this is something I will instill in my children.  I DO NOT LIE TO THEM!!! No matter what. I may slightly sensor my answers based on age.  There is some things children are not ready to hear however I do not lie.  I respect them and they respect me.  I have answered questions with "when you are older I will explain that to you but right now you are too young"  Don't teach them that there are acceptable lies.  Teach them that even some of the little lies add up.  The first time I was lied to by a man that I thought loved me I had a really hard time.  It actually destroyed me.  I made excuses every time he cheated, spent money, or even made me lie to my own friends and family.

Trying to change you - what I still have yet to really understand is why these toxic people just don't hunt out a partner they don't have to change.  I do know that it's part of their toxic manipulative game.   Sometimes they make you wear clothes or shoes you don't want to, or want you to change the clothing you already wear, change your friends, or even try to make you think different are out there.  Strength in loving yourself and knowing who you are is hard when you are young and establishing your own self.

Emotional Abuse is still abuse - Many of us don't see the first signs of abuse because it doesn't come with bruises.  Trust me, they start slow.  Very methodical.  First by making you feel you are ugly or not worthy.  However when they begin with this abuse they follow it up with an apology or a insincere compliment.  It's a game.  Once they have hurt you once and you have forgiven them you have lost.  Lost at their manipulation game and it goes down hill from there.

You can not discuss relationship problems - This was the kicker for me.  He had actually told me to never discuss our problems with anyone because "every ones relationship is the same nobody talks about it"  He actually had me convinced that everyone had a sad relationship like us,  and that I never should discuss things and I should make him look better so people like him more.  I remember the first time I actually got the guts to really ask a friend some open questions I began to learn that in fact healthy relationships are nothing like what I am going through.  I had even asked a buddy of mine for an honest guy opinion and he was shocked with what I was living in.  Actually sickened to know that I was able to function on the outside with such a crazy toxic relationship hiding behind the doors.


It continues to be a cycle and unfortunately these toxic people can continue to produce toxic children just like them so unless we teach our children how to spot them before love blinds them, they will unfortunately go through something so very hard.

Going through a toxic relationship is the hardest thing I have had to overcome.  Please take the time to explain and teach your children.  We are raising our children to be a good addition to this world, not individuals who go through this world on a destructive path destroying everyone in the their way.  My children will know the signs, as well as how to respect and care for others.

I am grateful every day for an incredible husband.  Healthy loving relationships exist I PROMISE.  Don't settle.  Keep looking.  

BE STRONG ENOUGH TO LET GO 

AND 

WISE ENOUGH TO WAIT FOR WHAT YOU DESERVE.

I'm sitting here watching my husband play with our two kids and am so very grateful.  I married an incredible husband one that will set the bar high for our daughter in choosing a husband one day.  As well, setting a standard for what my son hopes to be as a husband.  Not only is he an amazing husband......he is an outstanding father.

I figured I would share just one day as so many of you ask me how we structure our days.  We begin our day with a really great sleep.  No rushing.  My husband is off to work early in the morning so he can be home before dinner to spend time with the kids.  This means when they wake they roll into our room and I get a moment to just cherish my children.  We lay in bed and discuss what we will do today or if we had any dreams.  Then we head down for breakfast.

My kids eat.  They eat so much that I really feel so much time is spent in the kitchen.  They have breakfast at 7 ish so they are ready for second breakfast around 9:30.  I do feel it's because we eat rather clean so they eat very regularly.

My 6 year old son eats faster than my 1.5 year old daughter which actually comes in handy.  I get moms asking all the time if homeschooling is possible with younger kids around.  Yes, it is.....don't get me wrong it is challenging however achievable.  We implemented a crate system this year which I absolutely am in love with.  At the beginning of the year I rip up all his work books.  Yes you heard me right.  I place sheets week by week into folders.  This allows him to be more independent as well. Usually Monday we start our week off with a new math lesson with Math U See, so he watches the video and the rest of the week he can do his pages on his own.  This system works so well for us.  He is able to start on it even while his sister eats breakfast.

Now we work together on work sheets and activities.  Usually each day we do a few pages of math, a few pages of English.  Then we work on our other subjects such as health, social and science.  If we have experiments or more hands on stuff I organise that after breakfast.  While we spend about an hour and a half working my youngest daughter colours for about an hour.  Or she spends some time in the play room.  Some days are better than others.  Let's face it, she is only a year and a half and can be a bit distracting.  If we are struggling with her distracting us and my son unable to focus we take a break.  We take some time to play or turn up the music.  We spend the rest of the morning really just having fun.
























Now in order to make my home run smooth we all pitch in.  Everyone has to help.  So my son will unload the dishwasher while my daughter (who is only a year and a half dusts or vacuums)  We like to keep a clean organised home.  I do love how my son will play and make a mess with his friends when they come over however once everyone is gone he takes some time to himself to get his room back in order.






Routine is so important!!!  As well I do believe that the more you get your children helping the better your family flows.  I see families struggling because the parents are constantly cleaning up after kids. We could never homeschool if this was the case in our home.

Our afternoons are filled with friends and field trips and activities.  Usually while my daughter naps my son will take that time to quietly read, do a craft, or finish up anything we didn't get around to in the morning for school work.  This allows me a little time to myself to catch up on work (edit as I am a photographer) as well blog about our crazy fun life.

We also plan meals and the kids help me.  I want them involved.  My son will chop and daughter will mix.  They learn these lovely skills young.  So when dad gets home from work he gets to play and catch up with the kids before dinner.

I meet or chat with mom's nearly each week with nowhere to turn asking questions of how to start homeschool or what it includes.  I remember making the decision to homeschool and not knowing where to begin.  Now that we are crazy homeschoolers my words to mom's and scheduling is you can do it!  It will fit into your life any way you make it work.  Homeschooling allows for a wonderful flexible schedule which is only one amazing part.

This is by far my busy day go to.  Whether we are home or out for the day it is really easy and the whole family loves it.  It's a great slow cooker meal and I make sure to make extra as it makes for a great lunch the next day for my husband.  It's also a great gluten free meal and if you need to make it dairy free that can be done as well by not making coconut rice and omiting sour cream and cheese.

Chicken Taco Bowls

Ingredients

3 - chicken breast
2 cups - salsa
1 can - kernel corn
1 can - black beans
1/2 cup - water
1 tsp - Epicure Taco Seasoning (gluten free)
1 cup - basmatti rice
1 can - coconut milk
1/2 tsp lime juice
1 - yellow pepper
1 - tomato
1 - avocado
olives
cilantro
shredded cheese
sour cream

Directions

I'm a firm beleiver in letting your children grow.  Now that doesn't mean make them grow up fast.  Rather it means take pride in seeing them learn and grow.

I absolutely love babies.  I'm a mom who would possibly have 100 if I could.  My job allows me to get my baby fix by photographing newborns,  so this helps me.  My husband is probably thankful as I would probably have way too many children of my own.   I love that newborn smell, I love the brand new baby cuddles, and the cute baby clothes.  Cherish those moments as they do go too fast.  Please however let them grow.

I feel like sometimes families and parents struggle because they don't have expectations of their children.  I see mom's still feeding their children by spoon at a year.  STOP!!  Hand them a spoon at 6 months and let them learn.  Yes it will be messy.  Yes you will have to clean up what looks like a food fight.  However, let them learn.

I get stopped and praised all the time because of my children, they do make me a very proud mama.  They seem very mature and grown up for their age.  My son was potty trained by 2, and my daughter was only 14 months.  Honestly, I believe it was because I expected it from them.  Instead of saying "oh it's so much work and so much easier to just throw them in a diaper right now" I made the choice to stay home for a few days and keep them naked and teach them.  They both went from diapers to underwear with no issues, even no pull ups at night.  I see some 4 year olds struggling to potty train. Yes it takes work.  It's not just easy.  However having expectations of your children is a good thing.

My son is 6 now.  He has been helping me clean the house since he was 1.  He now knows what it takes to keep a home under control.  I can also trust him.  I have sent him outside to shovel or rake leaves and he happily does these chores.  He helps me grocery shop and has since he was 4.  He checks off the list.  Many people are shocked while we are grocery shopping and at the age of 4 he's using an app to check off groceries.  He says "mom how do you spell celery is it with an s or a c"  BANG! Language arts done for the day!

Teaching your kids to clean up after they are done with a toy is HUGE.  Mom's the amount of time spent in a day cleaning up after kids can be insane.  My daughter learned this at Christmas this year.  After each present she unwrapped she began to learn we needed to recycle the paper.  Now if she opens or takes something out of the package she puts the garbage in the garbage.  She will go to her book shelf and grab a book to read for her reading nook, and,  when she is done with it, take it back and grabs a new one.  The reason she does this is because I expect it of her.  Yes I could still treat her as a baby and pick up after her or I could take pride in watching her grow and learn.  I would rather do that.

My son enjoys having his friends over.  They usually play in his room with lego, and blanket forts are everywhere.  He lives in the moment and plays and has a ton of fun.  However when his friends go home he does find comfort in taking the time to clean his room and get it back in order.  He's like me, he wants order especially before sleeping.

These are just a few ideas of things I implimented in our home that even a one year old can help with.

• Dishes - yes they may not be perfect.  However most kids love playing in the water.  So while you are cleaning up let them learn to clean the dishes in the sink.  Yes you will have to help them however its a great way for them to learn while playing.
• Empty the dishwasher - I take a moment to remove any sharp knives or anything really break able but this is something my one year old helps with.  My son does the higher stuff and she likes to do the cuttlery because she can reach it.
• Dusting - hand them a swiffer and let them go to town.  My son started doing this at a year and did baseboards and anything low.  It was fun for him to see how much dust he could pick up.
• Laundry - I started early to make sure they always put dirty laundry in their hampers.  My daughter gets undressed getting ready for a bath and doesn't leave her clothes on the floor in the bathroom she takes them right to her laundry hamper.  This is something so simple but one less step for me.  She also likes pushing the buttons on the washer and dryer (which are up high so I lift her up to do this) I now can send my son to throw a load of laundry in all by himself.

My son is 6 and in grade 2 and to be honest we haven't had a cartoon on since I can't even remember. This makes the little bit of TV we watch as a family much more enjoyable.  Our TV doesn't come on until after bath time and they get a show before bed.  Some parents never even think that they don't have to sit through cartoons.  Here is a few shows my son absolutely loves and we do too.  He's totally interested and we started this style of television when he was 2.



How its Made - this show gets his brain working and it's so much fun to watch something we use every day and had no clue how it was made.  We also enjoy checking after the show is over online how much those items cost after seeing the show and all the work that goes into it.

Jade Fever - There is something really exciting about watching a crew search for Jade.  My son immediatly wanted to go outside and hunt for Jade.

Netflix Documentaries - can't hurt to learn!

Forged in Fire - My son enjoys watching men forge weapons and have them go through tests to compete on who can make the best knife.  At first I was hesitant on allowing this show as we don't want violence.  However it's really neat watching them take a simple peice of metal and turning it into a work of art.  He has a competative edge so competitions really keep his interest.

The Curse of Oak Island - this show has a great way of keeping you hooked.  We look forward to each week following along as they search with incredible equipment for the hidden treasure.  All ages are sure to like this show.


These are just some of the shows we like to watch in our home for fun.  Enjoy.

Homeschool sterotypes are still existing.  This boggles my mind however I do understand it. I knew from the moment I had my son I intended to homeschool.  This isn’t always the case for everyone.  I felt for me, I wanted to nurture his character and I actually liked watching him grow.  For some however they choose homeschooling because the traditional school system isn’t working, or it allows them to school while travelling, or because they decide as a family they can make it work.
I get contacted all the time of fearful moms looking for someone to help them.  To answer the crazy questions they have surrounding homeschooling.  I however am only one mama so have my opinions but that is all they are.  I adore our choice to homeschool however I would never push it on everyone.  It’s not for everyone.  I just wish more than anything people would consider it even when they think it’s not possible.
I have a girlfriend who was telling me about her little guy who is in public school and reminds her of my son.  Sweet, kind, and soft.  He is having issues with mean kids and being attracted to them.  He is also being forced to sit calmly for 6 hours and if he can’t he gets sent home with a sad face in his agenda.  He gets a sad face for things like twirling his hair.  Is this not ridiculous?  They of course want to have him tested for ADHD.  As she was telling me this I of course got emotional.  He doesn’t have ADHD….he’s a boy…. could you imagine being put in a box for 6 hours and told to follow along like a sheep.  This saddens me.
So what did I do?  I invited her to my Christmas party.  They are new to town and I said it would be a great way for their little guy to meet kids who are nice.  They arrived and my 6 year old was very excited to meet him.  He immediately ran in and found all the kids playing and having fun.  I don’t remember exactly how the conversation began but I said to her “see this is why you should homeschool” haha. Her husband laughed and said “Oh my goodness why…..do you homeschool??” hahaha….this is where I was thrilled.  She hadn’t told him.  So my response was "actually absolutely I do."  Actually “ALL” these kids are homeschooled.  He was shocked.  I loved how he came into the situation without any preconceived ideas of what we would all be like.  In a room with 25 people we all seemed normal! All the kids were social. “SHOCKER” and us parents were enjoying a glass of wine “SHOCKER” and not religious.
So many people feel that homeschooling makes for anti social odd kids.  This is so not the case.  Nobody knows we homeschool unless they see us out shopping during regular school hours and they they question my son.  “Why are you not in school?” This used to enrage me however now I just laugh and my son who is only 6 takes care of it.  His response is actually “ I did my school this morning from home as we homeschool so now we get to do lot’s of other stuff.”
We do regular weekly field trips and classes.  We get out with other kids at least a couple times a week.  We homeschool for so many reasons.  Here is a list of just a few.