I had my third child August 2017.  This was not the perfect  delivery wanted by every mother.  If you have a minute, read the post I wrote about it.  This was traumatizing on our newborn, myself, and my family.  Never did I imagine things would go so very wrong.

My lovely little dude got stuck.  They wouldn't listen to me when I said "I build big babies" (yes he's my third so I think I have a little evidence to support this comment)  He got stuck so bad in my pelvis that three nurses had to literally jump on my belly to pop his shoulders out.  It was insane!  He came out bruised and swollen from head to toe.

Now lets fast forward to the moment we brought him home.  He was a very sad and angry baby.  However that is to be expected.  We also completely believe in Chiropractic so began regularly seeing our Chiropractor from the moment we brought him home.

I said from the beginning I think he's angry.  I honestly felt he came out angry.  Doctors said he was fine.  So I began researching on line "birth trauma therapy".  I was looking into many alternative healing methods.  Bodytalk, Reiki, and Cranial Sacral Therapy.  This little guy was upset & crying at least 80 percent of his day.  He also was up 6 to 7 times a night while our other two kids were such great sleepers.  We hadn't changed our style of parenting and this little baby was rapidly changing our happy family.  As time went on, the other two kids were definitely feeling the stress of a crying baby.  As his mom I could say this to friends and family that the crying and anger was hard.  Even something so simple as nursing, he wasn't happy.  Although he nursed fine, latched and ate well, there was never that relaxed content feeling.  He never relaxed.


Finally one day my husband came home from work to a wife who had had enough.  Let's just say as a stay at home mom, who works part time, and home schools......I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!  He is so supportive and said "love it's worth us trying something".  So I began to look into recommendations online.

I found a woman who was a trained Paediatric Chiropractor,  and also practised cranial work.  She does a lot of "other" things and is completely trained for this exact situation.  Now we made an appointment and sat down with her.  I was definitely in tears when she looked at my baby.....the one I had been looking at for a full year and said "Absolutely just looking at him! He has some issues".  This made me sad but at the same time very hopeful.  So we began to discuss his behaviours and treatment options.

Well.. I said with a long pause, He cries or is angry 80 percent of the day, doesn't sleep, doesn't eat solids and just throws his food.  He's not just a demanding baby because he's not happy,  if you put him down he screams, but is not happy if you hold him.  I have friends who can attest to this miserable little man.

So she checked him out.  She felt his little body.  She even showed me that absolutely he has some nerve issues and that he actually probably isn't sleeping because he loses his limbs at night and wakes unable to feel where they are.  This seemed shocking, but she showed me a test and he actually didn't even feel anything in one foot.  Holy! She also noticed a ton of tension in the meningeal tissue (this is the connective tissue that anchors and protects the whole central nervous system aka. brain and spinal cord).  This tissue has strong anchors to the bone in the head, upper neck, and at the sacrum at the bottom.  She was so helpful to explain this in simple mom terms. If you hold a towel at both ends and twist it either way, you will end up with the tension along the whole towel.  This underlying tension can be disruptive to the clarity of the signals throughout the body, leaving a baby in severe discomfort.

She often hears of colic, tummy trouble, latching concerns, poor sleep, inability to lie still or be "content".  Later on the symptoms seem to change and hears complaints of drastic mood swings, anxiety, headaches, or behavioural issues among other things.

So we began treatments 3 times a week. The first time she really put pressure on different spots in his body.  She explained that she would use a mix of techniques, but all are low force tension holds, similar to pressure points.  She blends at least 4 different chiropractic techniques. This was unlike any other chiropractic treatment previously experienced. Now, let's not kid ourselves.....a child who is miserable constantly, isn't really going to be the biggest fan of these treatments.  I was asked to lay him on my chest while I laid on the table, and all the while he would be screaming and flailing.  Then, during our third treatment, I felt something I have never felt in over a year. Relaxation! He went from full blown screaming and crying to quite and calm and still. He has never ever just relaxed, or sat still for that matter. I felt his weight shift from a muscly flail to a still, soft and relaxed baby. A first time experience for the both of us...he had never felt so content....even while nursing.  This made me cry.  Then we got in the car and he slept all the way home.


So after our first week I felt like we had found a miracle.  She said "This will be a process so be patient, as it might take a little time".  I ended up having to take a trip to Edmonton for work and was so nervous because I didn't want to miss a treatment.  She allowed me to even come to her home at 8 am on my way to the airport because she knew I was serious.  I was dreading flying on my own and struggling through the airport with 2 kids.  This trip was amazing.  He was happy and smiling.  He even slept through the night twice which seemed insane to me as we were in an unfamiliar place and sleeping in a playpen.  Hooray!

Now it's been a month and we are down to once a week and she is thrilled with the results.  He is happy almost all the time.  He's up once a night and eating so much better.  She explained to me that he is no longer stuck in "fight or flight mode" and that unfortunately the best way to describe it was that he had a headache or built up tension from the day he was born.  Could you imagine how angry we would be as an adult?

Many of you could think "oh yes just a hippy dippy mom saying her kid is now happy", however I can't fake this.  I can't make this up.  I can't make up the fact that is he no longer up all night.  Or that everyone around us has noticed he is not constantly crying.  We are actually hearing him full blown belly laugh, all the while smiling from ear to ear.

If you are located in Kelowna, BC and are interested in seeing this amazing woman who has helped our son and our family find peace.

http://www.ohpkelowna.com/about-ohp-kelowna/our-practitioners/mandy-downie-dc/

Guess what it's tax season.  Time to send the government their money.  Or get money back.  Who know's.  However Taxes is something so many children are not taught.  Including myself.

Now looking back at my childhood and education I realise now that some of my own life challenges are things that I was not taught.  I know so many adults that were not taught what I call "life skills".  These are so damn important, yet our children are not learning this valuable skills.

Money management

Taxes

Such a forbidden subject.  Nobody really teaches their children.  Heck parents will help their children purchase a house however not teach them everything to know about taxes.  These are things I'm typing and can honestly say I know nothing about.  However homeschooling we will be learning as we go along and teaching our children so they don't end up in the world lost and unsure of taxes.  My son is only 7 yet he is beginning to understand taxes and how we pay them and why we do.

Marriage

Such a touchy subject as well that many parents don't discuss with their children.  I give parents credit to not fight in front of their children or ever disagree.  Can I ask you this though?  Is this real life?  So now we have children never learning how to disagree, argue, or even fight for that matter.  Now when I say this I can honestly say my marriage is AMAZING! We don't argue so this isn't something we have to hide from kids.  However I can tell you that we do disagree sometimes and it's okay for our children to witness this.  I want my children to have respect for their partner.  I want them to learn "how to fight" so that they aren't out in this world expecting to either never fight or fighting dirty.  Marriage is about working together and having a partner in life.  However what if you can't appreciate that?  What if you were never taught this or shown this in your own home?  How can we expect children to just grow up and know how to be a good partner if they don't witness these skills from us as parents.

Literally I ask myself this question probably daily.  A lot more lately as I'm running on very little sleep, covered in puke hourly, and feel all I do is stand in the kitchen preparing food for these 3 little beings that never seem to stop eating.  I'm truly shocked with how much food these children consume in a day.  No wonder our grocery shops are so huge and our fridge is constantly empty.

I also have days I cannot beleive my husband stays married to me.  Those days where I struggle.  I struggle to actually shower, or make dinner, or simply smile without falling asleep.  I do however know I chose the absolutely best person to spend the rest of my life with because he in all of this chaos seems to stay so very positive.

Motherhood is incredible.  Its one of the most gratifying experiences, yet at the same time one of the most difficult.  I remember the days where I could simply pop into a grocery store and wander down the aisles checking out my produce and ensuring that I pick the best.  Now its a rush with 3 children to just put items in the cart (if the avocado is super ripe i'll add it into my smoothies to cover that up lol)

When I became a mother I didn't know I would put so much pressure on myself to be such a good mother.  I try.  I try so hard.  I fall asleep rambling in my husbands ear "wow i feel like a failure today because the kids played on their ipad for an hour, yet there are other mom's doing heroin with babies in their bellies".  He just laughs and says "oh love you are exhausted".  I had ideas of things I wanted to be aware of when I had babies.  I knew simple things like I knew I wanted to homeschool, feed clean food, and allow my kids to grow up slow.  Things I knew I would have to focus hard on were things that might not come as simple to me.  Certain ways we were raised are sometimes hard habits to break.  I know I'm a very involved mom, however sometimes I struggle to be a softer mom.  Sometimes when my family is sick the hardness comes out in me and I need to conciously be aware of this.  I need to stop and just cuddle them.  Rather than me wanting to say "you are fine! be tough".  I honestly have to stop myself because it can be such a habit.  Just taking time to listen and allow them to be soft.

I would never change the way my life turned out.  Even in all this chaos I would have 5,430 babies if I could.  This is probably a sickness or some form of baby hoarding.  Thankfully my husband doesn't allow this.  We do lose ourselves when we become mothers.  We however gain so much.  So much love!


Now all I can pray for is that all these lovely babies of mine continue having lot's of babies this way I get to share my love with grandkids.


XOXO

Now first off I want to say to all you moms who work out of the home what a challenge you really have for saving money and meal planning because I feel like it’s nearly a full time job.

We have been clean eating for nearly 3 years, that means literally little to no processed foods.  This isn’t simple but since we made the choice we have all felt better, had more energy, and rarely sick.  Now as a homeschool family I feel like I spend mainly all my day in the kitchen. One meal is done and then they are requesting a snack.

We are also a gluten feee family and as much organic as possible. We do have a budget and I try my best to stick to it. Currently our budget is $600 a month for a family of 5.  Many of my friends say "yeah right....you have got to teach me your secrets".  I also have many moms reaching out asking for help meal planning and grocery shopping.

So I felt I would try to share my tricks.

1. I am aware of prices EVERYWHERE.  I know what is a good deal and what isn't.  I stay away from purchasing things just because we want them and stock up on things when they are on sale.  I know the price of butter at Costco is nearly half the price of Superstore so I make sure to only purchase items where they are the least amount of money.
2. Download the app "PC Optimum" I do majority of my shop at Superstore every two weeks and I am sure to spend the minimum to get the promotion.  Eg. Spend $250 get 25,000 points which is equivalent to $25.00.  Also I am careful to watch the days the new flier comes out and sometimes I go shopping on the Thursday if the offer suits our family better or wait until the new flier comes out on Friday.  Also if for example the deal is "processed frozen chicken strips"  I advise them we have a gluten allergy and they usually always give me the points equivalent.  Also in order to use the APP to the best of your ability.  Each week you must "don't show again" to items you don't purchase.  This can take a good month of each week loading your offers and getting rid of the garbage or saving the items if you regularly use them and just don't need them till next week.  Eg.  Originally when I signed up they gave me garbage foods like pringles chips and granola bars.  Now it's all produce, organic, and gluten free items so my points add up really quickly.
3. Download the app "Buy me a pie" this is my shopping list app.  This helps me to always have an ongoing list on my phone.  I am also able to create multiple shopping lists Eg. Superstore, Costco, and Bulk Barn.  This keeps me very organized and literally as I am cooking and I run out of something I quickly add it to the list immediately.
   

Superstore

Costco

Bulk Barn

Meal Ideas on a typical week.

Whole Organic Chicken (I throw it in the slow cooker in the morning) w/ Caesar salad.  We also don't purchase croutons or bacon bits.  It's really easy to make gluten free croutons from bread (takes 5 minutes).  Also so much better than a bagged Caesar salad. Then I take the left overs and shred it and make Chicken Salad with gluten free crackers for lunch the next day.

I see mom's every day struggling to be the best mom they can possibly be,  including myself.  Recently I have witnessed some awful instances of mothers not being their best.  This is quite shocking to me because I have huge mom guilt if I don't do enough crafting or if I allow my children to play on the iPad.  Then there is a side of the real world that I actually never really put a lot of thought into.

There is mom's who don't care.  There is women on the street having babies on drugs and they don't think anything of it.  How can this be?  How can this even be a reality.  These babies are struggling from the moment they enter the world.  Being addicted to drugs, struggling with major health issues, and even just being alone.  There are children being abused, neglected, and not loved.  Thankfully there is a lot of mother's in the world willing to step up.

Mom guilt is such a real thing.  Especially in this day and age of the lovely world of social media.  Many of us put so much pressure on ourselves, to be the best.  I know this first hand.  My expectations of myself are huge.  I want my kids to be healthy, happy, and educated.  I definitely consider myself a controlling mama.  One who wants to protect her children from many things in this world.  Am I perfect?  NO! but do I try YES!

My family pointed out the other day that they see how hard I try as a mother and am immersed in my children.  They truly are my life.  I do sometimes notice that I have definitely lost a lot of "me" however I wouldn't have it any other way.  For me I have made this choice.  I made the choice to have 3 beautiful children.  I made the choice to be at home with them.  I made the choice to homeschool them.  I want the absolute best for them.

So when the time comes one day when they are older I will have all the time in the world for "me".  So mom bun and leggings it is.  Finding time to simply get my hair done now is a lot more of a challenge.  Don't get me wrong my husband is incredible and would drop everything to give me as much "me" time as I needed.  However let's face it, there is only so many hours in a day.  The last thing I can see myself doing is taking time in the evening for myself when I'm so very exhausted.



   I always point out to mom's who are overwhelmed and struggling to start with something simple.  I have to take reminders from my husband.  Sometimes when we are having a difficult day getting out the door I just have to realize that's ok.  Slow down.  Or when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed sometimes we just have to reset it and have a bubble bath.  On days when homeschooling is a struggle (and trust me we do have those) we just need to put it away.  We need to go outside for a walk or just have time to play.

I am blessed with 3 healthy children.  No issues.  No behaviour issues.  I actually had another mom at one of my sons activities ask me how I do it.  "How the heck do you do 3 and homeschool and still smile".  I only have one and I am overwhelmed.  My response " I don't even know what you are going through because my kids are all healthy, so I give you credit"  She actually offered to pay me to meal plan and grocery shop for her as we were discussing how I felt the importance of nutrition so important to my children health and happiness.  Like I have the time for this service.  So I just wrote her a list of some simple ideas to try.  That is all I have to give.


I have days where I feel like supermom.  Everything goes right and everyone seems to be all on the same planet.  Moods are good, everyone sleeps, and I feel fantastic.  These days I cherish.  Then there are also the ones I struggle through.  Drinking too many cups of coffee to count, staying in pjs all day, and feeling completely out of control.

There is no right or wrong way to do things all we can do as mother's is try to be our absolute best.

So today.  Give yourself a pat on the back.  Sometimes we just need to hear we are doing okay.

Also if you see another mom out there doing a great job be sure to compliment her because I bet she is also struggling with
MOM GUILT!

This may seem so very odd as some of my fun childhood memories are of sleeping over at friends or having them stay over at my house.  However times are so very different.

I had a lovely conversation with a mommy friend mentioning all my concerns and issues surrounding sleepovers and she said “hey we have decided as a family that we will never have sleepovers”.  This made me feel not so crazy.

So many issues I have with sleepovers now a days and honestly it just doesn’t fit for our family.  Maybe because I am such a controlling parent however I am also totally ok with that. I never knew how terrifying being a parent would be until I was in the midst of trying to raise my children.   I would rather have a rule from day one that have to implement this rule later in life due to an unfortunate circumstance.

From what we have seen from sleepovers kids like to stay up late, which can be a tonne of fun however for me as a parent the next day is miserable.  I’ve dealt with my own child suffering from anxiety as well children sleeping over with similar issues.  We have implemented such good routine and sleep habits that we simply don’t want to disrupt this.  I'm currently laughing while typing this because our older two children sleep well.....let me tell you about this 4 month old of ours who has thrown anything we thought we knew right out the window.

Kids now a days have technology readily available and this isn’t something I feel comfortable with as a parent.  We have all of our technology limited and restricted however not every other family is the same.  Imagine if your child has access to Netflix with no parent around. Now imagine another child has an older cousin or friend teaching your child something.  Imagine your child knows how to spell and how readily available very awful things are on the internet.  This makes me very uncomfortable.

Now that we have 3 children we have to take the best interest of the whole family into consideration.  Whether it's our oldest son having a friend sleepover and having his younger sister just next door in her room.  It takes just a minute for something awful to happen.  This is not something I am willing to have as a parental regret.  Now we choose our friends and our childrens friends and they are all great people, however sometimes not great things can be taught to unsuspecting little people.  We may not even be aware of this. I remember as a teenage having sleepovers and sneaking out and let me tell you that we did nothing GOOD!  Chances are most sleepovers are innocent, but I'm not taking any chances.

So rather than having to make this rule at a later date we have chosen to implement this from the start.  We sat our oldest down (who is 7) to discuss this and he was not upset at all.  He completely understood and said it's ok guys I like sleeping in my own bed. 

We discussed our solution to our NO SLEEPOVER POLICY.  This included "late night date night" which is something special, just like sleepovers.  We could go for pizza and a movie and stay up late.  Yet everyone goes home to their own beds.  We also discussed doing family sleepovers.  We could stay over as a family at our friends houses but I don't see that happening any time soon with our baby who doesn't sleep.

I was so very grateful for having reached out to a friend who made me feel a lot less crazy and that my decision was absolutely normal.

For me sleepovers just aren't worth it.  I am just not willing to take any chances I might day regret.

It's been one month since I delivered our third child and am now just starting to feel less upset.  Both of my previous pregnancies and deliveries were fine.  This one however wasn't.

Now....let's rewind.  I had a GP during my pregnancy.  One who wouldn't listen to me.  One who didn't trust me.  One who I felt did not care.  Throughout my whole pregnancy I measured very large. I was not diabetic.  I just build big babies.  I have proof.  I have had two very large babies and super strong and healthy.  My first son was born at 37 weeks and was 8lbs 8 oz.  My water broke and 10 hours later he was in my arms.

I began to get antsy near the end of my pregnancy.  Growing larger and larger every minute.  I also knew that I had a wedding to shoot 1.5 weeks after my due date.  This shouldn't have been a stress to me if my newborn was going to come on time.  However my doctor kept telling me she couldn't induce or do anything until I was a week over due.  A WEEK OVERDUE!!!!  Did she want me to have a 12 lb baby?  Did she want me to have a c-section?  Did she want me to shoot a wedding 5 days after a supposed c-section.  I began to really start stressing, and was absolutely miserable.  I was referred to an OB who has the ability to induce.  I felt this was going to be my ticket to holding my baby sooner than later.  She was only willing to induce me at 39 weeks however I was willing to take whatever she would give me because I needed this giant baby to come out.  Many people warned me that being induced was way worse.  I had never gone through an induction.  Even the birth of my daughter they ended up just breaking my water and everything progressed very quickly.

Now the day had come.  We woke up and called the hospital and they advised us to come in that morning as they weren't too busy.  Yeah.  I was nervous but excited to be holding my baby soon and bringing him home for the other kids to see.  We got to the hospital at 8 am, where they changed their mind and sent us for lunch until they had a plan.  Slight disappointment had set in however my husband tried to keep me positive.  We went and had an adult meal (rarely do we ever get that) so figured we should take the opportunity.  They called us and we were back at the hospital at 12:30.  They then advised me that they were going to start an induction with Oxytocin.  This wasn't the plan. The plan was to just break my water and let my body do what it needed.  Turns out they weren't willing to do that anymore.  They wanted me hooked up to Oxytocin and have regular contractions before breaking my water.  I had already had 4 weeks of fake labour and regular contractions so I was not a fan of this plan.  My nurse was really good.  She understood my frustration so she tried to get my contractions going as hard and fast as possible.  Finally after I wasn't feeling what I needed, I begged and begged for them to break my water.  After 5 hours of contractions they finally agreed.  Then the moment they broke my water my body did what it needed to do.  The next contraction was insane!  Within 15 minutes I was 10 cm dilated.  Then the dr suggested I have a nap.  Sorry WHAT!!!!  I feel like I need to push.  They didn't want to listen to me even at that point.  Finally I kept saying "you need to check me because he's coming no matter what".  Not even 5 minutes later everyone was getting ready for me to push.  I decided I wanted to try pushing on my side from the beginning as that worked at the end of my delivery of my last baby.  The nurse laughed and said "sweetie you don't have time to roll onto your side this baby is nearly here you wont push long".  This actually gave me a sense of relief.


Then......things went crazy.



I began pushing and only a couple pushes and he was out.  Ahhhh.....time to relax.  No I was wrong.  When I felt him come out all of a sudden 20 people came rushing into the delivery room, people calling for NICU, and people yelling at me to PUSH.  I was so confused.  Why are they all panicking to get the placenta out....calm down people.  I didn't even know what was going on.  Everyone was yelling at me.  Then three nurses started jumping on my stomach.  The dr was doing her best but he was stuck.  He was stuck in my bones!  I had a birth plan.  They knew I wanted delayed cord clamping and skin to skin immediately.  After everyone jumping on my stomach finally his shoulders popped out.  They laid him on my chest.  That's when I looked at my husband in fear.  He was purple.  SO bruised.  He was not breathing.  They were trying to get him breathing but nothing was working.  So they immediately cut the cord and rushed him off to get him breathing.   After what felt like forever (a minute and a half) they put him back on my chest.  He was breathing.  He was pretty scary looking but he was ok.

They advised me that I had to stay as that was an awful delivery and they needed to monitor both baby and myself.  At this point I was so frustrated that nobody listened.  I was so frustrated that my baby was able to get as big 9lb 11oz at 39 weeks.  I feel the delivery went the way it did because I was left too long.  Could you even imagine 2 more weeks.  How big would he have been then?

I got home with baby the next day and I felt so sad.  Never had I thought I would have had an experience like that.  It took me a while to wrap my head around it.  It took me a while to smile again.  I cried a lot.  I was told to take it extremely easy.  This was the hardest part of the last month.  Having 2 other children and being an extremely busy mommy, how was I supposed to just sit.  This definately added to my mood.  I am not longer angry about it.  Just a reality that unfortunately goes on.  Whether its pregnancy or deliveries.....it happens all the time.  People need to advocate for themselves.

This is always a really tough subject to discuss.  I had always dreamt of being a mom,  it was something I always wanted.  Now it was really important for me from day one to be a very involved mom.  I never intended to add children into this world unless I was willing to do the work it took to raise them well.

Quite often it is very easy to lose "you" once you have children.  Life becomes all about these little people you are now nuturing and teaching.  It is the most satisfying jobs I have ever had, however it is extremely easy to lose yourself.

How do I balance life now being a mom?  Good question.

First off,  I expect a lot from my children.  This is ok.  I adore the baby phase.  I cherish every moment because it goes so fast.  However those sleepless nights are challenging on families.  Not just us moms.  I am blessed with children who sleep.  Sleep is so very important to me.  I began ensuring that we had regular routines were in place very early on.

Routine is key for me as a mom to balance daily life.  I know personally if I wasn't so strict with routine my life would feel like chaos.  I give parents credit that can fly by the seat of their pants.  That doesn't work for our household at all.  It's important for me to be present in raising my children, but having said that come dinner, bath, book, and bed, we are all done!  I need a balance of kid time and adult time.  I enjoy quiet evenings with my husband catching up on our days, or chatting about things we can't chat about in front of the kids.  I have learned early on to stick with routine, if it's working don't fix it.  However routine does need to be altered.  For example,  my kids start bedtime routine at 6 pm and my littlest was in bed by 6:30 and my oldest at 7:00.  They would always sleep 12 hours however when they started getting up a little earlier each day I realised that they were growing and not needing as much sleep.  So adjusting their routine is important.  We found our oldest slept better when he went to bed at 8 pm.  However the youngest we moved to 7 for a few months and then back to 6:30.  Playing around with bedtimes is so important.  Sometimes we feel it's too early to put them to bed however I've seen the other side where you miss that incredibly important window!

Me time!  Now having said that I don't get much of it.  Literally I just said to my husband "I hope you don't take for granted the ability to go to the washroom in peace".  We have made the choice to homeschool our kids and I'm grateful for that choice.  However that also does mean there is very little "me" time.  I am ok with that.  It's a choice I have made.  However let me tell you, come Saturday morning........it's a little me time.  Even if it's just the ability to have a relaxing shower and blow dry my hair in peace I take it.  My husband looks forward to cooking big breakfasts with the kids on the weekend so while they go down to the kitchen I take a little "me" time.  As well I am blessed with a very flexible job being a photographer and I include that in "me" time because I really feel it's my time to focus on something I am really passionate about.

We are also finding it important to spend one on one time with each of your children.  This gives me balance as well.  So it's not always total crazy (and yes we are adding a third child this summer so I expect crazy to be a way of life).  It's really nice though to spend one on one time with your kids.  As a mom it's rather rewarding to slow it down and give them ALL your attention.  This doesn't have to be all the time however every once in a while its important.

When you need help.....ask!  This is something that took me years to be able to do.  If you ask my husband my favorite line has always been "I got this"  We have a hilarious story of the birth of our second child where I literally looked at him and said "I GOT THIS!!" after delivering her and well.....let me tell you.....I didn't GOT THIS!  Learning to accept help was a struggle for me however now it comes much more natural.  We do work as a team and ask each other for help when we need it.  This is really important.

Many mom's don't ask for help.  So if you know a mom out there who you think really has it all together and doesn't need help try to do something nice for her.  Whether it's taking her kids for an hour so she can go for a pedicure or even grocery shop in peace.  Even dropping her off a coffee (let's face it the challenge of making and drinking a coffee before it gets cold is just that a challenge).

Now before you all think this blog is going to bash men.  Please understand that is entirely not the case.  I'm wanting to show my appreciation for men who really STEP UP and try to be the best they can.

I feel like each week I have someone contacting me,  a lot of moms.  They are feeling like they are losing control of their life.  This makes me sad.  Don't get me wrong every day isn't going to be amazing however when you struggle that should be a once in a blue moon issue not a continual challenge.

This blog is probably going to take a turn towards supporting mothers.  Probably because I am a mother.  However this stands for all men.  Having made some major life mistakes with men when I was younger I now realise GREAT ONES do exist.

I appreciate so much the ones raised in not ideal situations but want to change that.  I see men raised in abusive situations yet they want to stop that cycle.  I see men raised with very little affection because they are boys, yet they realize that doesn't allow them to create healthy relationships.

I am blessed with an incredible husband.  My children are so very lucky to have an amazing father.  I have also learned over the years to expect that from him.  Ladies it is ok to expect amazing.  He works very hard to ensure I am able to stay at home raising and schooling our children.  I talk to other stay at home moms that feel they can't ever complain or say anything because their spouse is allowing them to stay at home and providing for them.  I love my husbands outlook on it.  When I say to him "love thank you for working so hard allowing me to stay at home" his response is always "oh my goodness thank you for choosing this for our family as I could never do it!".

My husband has a son to help teach how to be an amazing man.  Who will one day make an amazing husband and father.  He has a daughter to set the bar very high so she doesn't just settle when it comes to a relationship.

There is men who will sit on the couch and play video games all day rather than being present with their family.  This is downright ridiculous.  I've heard of husbands and fathers like this and it makes me sad.  If only they STEPPED UP!  Shut that game off.  Play with your children, take them for a walk, or even fold a load of laundry.  Just so you are aware your son is witnessing you not being present and for that reason is going to either struggle in his future relationships or have to make a decision because of what he has seen to not be anything like that.  Your daughter could settle......now really think about this.  Men, picture your daughter cooking, cleaning, and raising children with a man just sitting there watching her.  Is this what you want for her?  Wouldn't you much rather she expect more.

Sometimes it is habit, sometimes it's how they were raised, and other times they just are crappy men.  However regardless of what the excuse is there is always a time to change.

Ladies its also ok to communicate if you expect more.  Don't think that you have to sit back and just accept that they aren't giving you what you need.  Communication is very important.  It's something learned so why not start today by trying it.  Now before you start nagging....that's not the best approach.  Start simple by saying "honey I was hoping tonight we could do the dishes together after the kids go to bed and talk about us."  First off don't be disapointed if you don't get the reaction you are hoping for but don't give up.

So this is just a reminder to STEP UP!  Your relationships will improve.  Your children will see that.  The more people step up the better this world will be.  Children will be raised better.  Parents will be happier.  It's a lovely circle.

We are very excited to welcome baby number 3 this summer.  Our son is 6 and our daughter is almost 2.  Now that our son is 6 he is definitely more involved and interested in this addition.

I wanted to share an experience I had with my previous 2 babies.  This is one that gets me so very excited for our third.  I repeatedly hear from friends and clients about awful experiences with ultrasounds.  I too was in your shoes.

When I was 19 weeks pregnant with my son I was so excited to find out what I was having.  This time in my life I was hoping for a boy.  I was beyond excited.  Then, my excitement came crashing down when I went to have an ultrasound done.  She was mean.  She was ruining my exciting experience.  Then she ended it with saying "No i will not tell you what you are having, I don't believe in that and sometimes women abort babies depending on the sex".  I left in tears!  I got in the car crying.  That's when I googled and made a phone call.  I called Sneak a Peek Ultrasound in tears.  They answered the phone happy and ensured me to stop crying and go get a bottle of orange juice and come straight there.  I did exactly that.

When I arrived it was a completely different experience.  While filling out paperwork they ensured me that they would be able to tell me the gender for sure.  They said they have only had to turn away one women who took a break and came back an hour later to try again.  I finally stopped crying.  I finally felt that someone cared.  Sneak a Peek does care.  They took me into a beautiful comfortable room and had me feel at ease.  Then the exciting news "I was having a boy!!!"  I left so happy I had found them.




Then when I was pregnant with my second child I didn't even hesitate to go back.  I didn't even risk having a disappointing experience.  I just called and made an appointment.  This experience was even better!  My son was 4 and was so excited.  He got to be involved and a part of this experience.  He had guessed it was a girl.  They took us all into a beautiful room and made sure to include my husband and son.  Literally she looked at my son and said "what do you think you are having?"  He was so confident it was a girl.  She told him personally. She looked him in the eyes and said "dude you are right....it's a GIRL".

Now with our third on the way we are getting close to being able to find out the gender and we are so excited.  I called to book our appointment with Sneak a Peek.  This was really important to me because I wanted my two other children involved.  I wanted a positive experience.

Many of you mom's get stuck having awful, unpleasant, and downright disappointing ultrasounds.  I literally have a friend who is expecting just after me and had an awful ultrasound done in Vancouver and I said to her she absolutely just needed to make a trip to Kelowna, BC and stop into Sneak a Peek.

If you are expecting or know someone who is, you highly recommend Sneak a Peek in Kelowna, BC.  You will not regret it.  It makes the whole pregnancy experience even that much better.

Stay tuned.....we go next weekend.  We all cannot wait to find out.

There is something to be said about taking something and saving it from the dump and turning it into something beautiful.

I wish I had been taught about manipulative, narcissistic, psychopaths early on.  I have wanted to write a post about my experience.  Our children need to be taught, and I hope that my post will open the door for discussion early on in their development  as kind and wondrous little people, in such a way as to not make them fearful but aware.

I honestly can't remember where I went wrong when and guess I was naive like most young women.  I believed that everyone in this world tried to be as good as possible in life.  I unfortunately met a very awful man and it became absolutely destructive.  I know if I would have met him at 30 I would never have given him the time of day.  However meeting him at 17, different story.

To be honest I knew nothing of abuse simply because I was raised in a loving family where I never experienced anything to be wary of.  To be honest, my parents also had never met someone as awful in their life, so they were not ready for the years to come.

I had never actually met a individual in an abusive relationship at this point.  I never understood it.  I always was confident and had an attitude "why would anyone stay with in abusive situation?"  I never understood it.  However sadly, now I do.  This is something I felt I needed to share because not only did my family not know how to deal with it, neither did I.

We need to teach our children about these people that exist. We need to teach them about the signs to be aware of.  We need to teach them that love doesn't hurt and that there is plenty of fish in the sea.  I'm a big believer now to let your children date.  This sounds shocking.  However teaching them to be able to spot a bad relationship and to move on is a learnt skill.  Teaching them about safe dating and to protect their hearts is so important.

I have taken a good long time to heal.  I have gotten help.  I have a very incredible relationship and to be honest I can actually appreciate it now having been in such a toxic one.

Unfortunately there is more and more of these toxic individuals out there.  I regularly open up to women who share stories of their sisters, friends, or even family who have either been in a toxic relationship or are even currently still in one.  I'm learning now that it is a huge problem to have our guard down when meeting someone so awful.

Here are a few things to discuss with your children and for you to also be prepared for them to run into someone so toxic and how to help them understand the signs.

Jealousy -  First sign.  Teach your children that the moment a person is very jealous to literally walk away.  Jealousy is not love.  Unfortunately some of us believe that shows that a person really cares.  This is so wrong.  A caring person who is confident and treats their partner right has no need to be jealous.  Being called awful names for having friends that are of the opposite sex is a horrible sign these individuals are insecure and going to try to kill your confidence in order to break you.

Control - They try to make you feel guilty for so many things.  This can be something so simple as the first night you go out without them.  You lose all sense of alone time because it no longer exists.

Lies - this is something I will instill in my children.  I DO NOT LIE TO THEM!!! No matter what. I may slightly sensor my answers based on age.  There is some things children are not ready to hear however I do not lie.  I respect them and they respect me.  I have answered questions with "when you are older I will explain that to you but right now you are too young"  Don't teach them that there are acceptable lies.  Teach them that even some of the little lies add up.  The first time I was lied to by a man that I thought loved me I had a really hard time.  It actually destroyed me.  I made excuses every time he cheated, spent money, or even made me lie to my own friends and family.

Trying to change you - what I still have yet to really understand is why these toxic people just don't hunt out a partner they don't have to change.  I do know that it's part of their toxic manipulative game.   Sometimes they make you wear clothes or shoes you don't want to, or want you to change the clothing you already wear, change your friends, or even try to make you think different are out there.  Strength in loving yourself and knowing who you are is hard when you are young and establishing your own self.

Emotional Abuse is still abuse - Many of us don't see the first signs of abuse because it doesn't come with bruises.  Trust me, they start slow.  Very methodical.  First by making you feel you are ugly or not worthy.  However when they begin with this abuse they follow it up with an apology or a insincere compliment.  It's a game.  Once they have hurt you once and you have forgiven them you have lost.  Lost at their manipulation game and it goes down hill from there.

You can not discuss relationship problems - This was the kicker for me.  He had actually told me to never discuss our problems with anyone because "every ones relationship is the same nobody talks about it"  He actually had me convinced that everyone had a sad relationship like us,  and that I never should discuss things and I should make him look better so people like him more.  I remember the first time I actually got the guts to really ask a friend some open questions I began to learn that in fact healthy relationships are nothing like what I am going through.  I had even asked a buddy of mine for an honest guy opinion and he was shocked with what I was living in.  Actually sickened to know that I was able to function on the outside with such a crazy toxic relationship hiding behind the doors.


It continues to be a cycle and unfortunately these toxic people can continue to produce toxic children just like them so unless we teach our children how to spot them before love blinds them, they will unfortunately go through something so very hard.

Going through a toxic relationship is the hardest thing I have had to overcome.  Please take the time to explain and teach your children.  We are raising our children to be a good addition to this world, not individuals who go through this world on a destructive path destroying everyone in the their way.  My children will know the signs, as well as how to respect and care for others.

I am grateful every day for an incredible husband.  Healthy loving relationships exist I PROMISE.  Don't settle.  Keep looking.  

BE STRONG ENOUGH TO LET GO 

AND 

WISE ENOUGH TO WAIT FOR WHAT YOU DESERVE.

I'm sitting here watching my husband play with our two kids and am so very grateful.  I married an incredible husband one that will set the bar high for our daughter in choosing a husband one day.  As well, setting a standard for what my son hopes to be as a husband.  Not only is he an amazing husband......he is an outstanding father.