Literally I ask myself this question probably daily.  A lot more lately as I'm running on very little sleep, covered in puke hourly, and feel all I do is stand in the kitchen preparing food for these 3 little beings that never seem to stop eating.  I'm truly shocked with how much food these children consume in a day.  No wonder our grocery shops are so huge and our fridge is constantly empty.

I also have days I cannot beleive my husband stays married to me.  Those days where I struggle.  I struggle to actually shower, or make dinner, or simply smile without falling asleep.  I do however know I chose the absolutely best person to spend the rest of my life with because he in all of this chaos seems to stay so very positive.

Motherhood is incredible.  Its one of the most gratifying experiences, yet at the same time one of the most difficult.  I remember the days where I could simply pop into a grocery store and wander down the aisles checking out my produce and ensuring that I pick the best.  Now its a rush with 3 children to just put items in the cart (if the avocado is super ripe i'll add it into my smoothies to cover that up lol)

When I became a mother I didn't know I would put so much pressure on myself to be such a good mother.  I try.  I try so hard.  I fall asleep rambling in my husbands ear "wow i feel like a failure today because the kids played on their ipad for an hour, yet there are other mom's doing heroin with babies in their bellies".  He just laughs and says "oh love you are exhausted".  I had ideas of things I wanted to be aware of when I had babies.  I knew simple things like I knew I wanted to homeschool, feed clean food, and allow my kids to grow up slow.  Things I knew I would have to focus hard on were things that might not come as simple to me.  Certain ways we were raised are sometimes hard habits to break.  I know I'm a very involved mom, however sometimes I struggle to be a softer mom.  Sometimes when my family is sick the hardness comes out in me and I need to conciously be aware of this.  I need to stop and just cuddle them.  Rather than me wanting to say "you are fine! be tough".  I honestly have to stop myself because it can be such a habit.  Just taking time to listen and allow them to be soft.

I would never change the way my life turned out.  Even in all this chaos I would have 5,430 babies if I could.  This is probably a sickness or some form of baby hoarding.  Thankfully my husband doesn't allow this.  We do lose ourselves when we become mothers.  We however gain so much.  So much love!


Now all I can pray for is that all these lovely babies of mine continue having lot's of babies this way I get to share my love with grandkids.


XOXO

Now first off I want to say to all you moms who work out of the home what a challenge you really have for saving money and meal planning because I feel like it’s nearly a full time job.

We have been clean eating for nearly 3 years, that means literally little to no processed foods.  This isn’t simple but since we made the choice we have all felt better, had more energy, and rarely sick.  Now as a homeschool family I feel like I spend mainly all my day in the kitchen. One meal is done and then they are requesting a snack.

We are also a gluten feee family and as much organic as possible. We do have a budget and I try my best to stick to it. Currently our budget is $600 a month for a family of 5.  Many of my friends say "yeah right....you have got to teach me your secrets".  I also have many moms reaching out asking for help meal planning and grocery shopping.

So I felt I would try to share my tricks.

1. I am aware of prices EVERYWHERE.  I know what is a good deal and what isn't.  I stay away from purchasing things just because we want them and stock up on things when they are on sale.  I know the price of butter at Costco is nearly half the price of Superstore so I make sure to only purchase items where they are the least amount of money.
2. Download the app "PC Optimum" I do majority of my shop at Superstore every two weeks and I am sure to spend the minimum to get the promotion.  Eg. Spend $250 get 25,000 points which is equivalent to $25.00.  Also I am careful to watch the days the new flier comes out and sometimes I go shopping on the Thursday if the offer suits our family better or wait until the new flier comes out on Friday.  Also if for example the deal is "processed frozen chicken strips"  I advise them we have a gluten allergy and they usually always give me the points equivalent.  Also in order to use the APP to the best of your ability.  Each week you must "don't show again" to items you don't purchase.  This can take a good month of each week loading your offers and getting rid of the garbage or saving the items if you regularly use them and just don't need them till next week.  Eg.  Originally when I signed up they gave me garbage foods like pringles chips and granola bars.  Now it's all produce, organic, and gluten free items so my points add up really quickly.
3. Download the app "Buy me a pie" this is my shopping list app.  This helps me to always have an ongoing list on my phone.  I am also able to create multiple shopping lists Eg. Superstore, Costco, and Bulk Barn.  This keeps me very organized and literally as I am cooking and I run out of something I quickly add it to the list immediately.
   

Superstore

Costco

Bulk Barn

Meal Ideas on a typical week.

Whole Organic Chicken (I throw it in the slow cooker in the morning) w/ Caesar salad.  We also don't purchase croutons or bacon bits.  It's really easy to make gluten free croutons from bread (takes 5 minutes).  Also so much better than a bagged Caesar salad. Then I take the left overs and shred it and make Chicken Salad with gluten free crackers for lunch the next day.

I see mom's every day struggling to be the best mom they can possibly be,  including myself.  Recently I have witnessed some awful instances of mothers not being their best.  This is quite shocking to me because I have huge mom guilt if I don't do enough crafting or if I allow my children to play on the iPad.  Then there is a side of the real world that I actually never really put a lot of thought into.

There is mom's who don't care.  There is women on the street having babies on drugs and they don't think anything of it.  How can this be?  How can this even be a reality.  These babies are struggling from the moment they enter the world.  Being addicted to drugs, struggling with major health issues, and even just being alone.  There are children being abused, neglected, and not loved.  Thankfully there is a lot of mother's in the world willing to step up.

Mom guilt is such a real thing.  Especially in this day and age of the lovely world of social media.  Many of us put so much pressure on ourselves, to be the best.  I know this first hand.  My expectations of myself are huge.  I want my kids to be healthy, happy, and educated.  I definitely consider myself a controlling mama.  One who wants to protect her children from many things in this world.  Am I perfect?  NO! but do I try YES!

My family pointed out the other day that they see how hard I try as a mother and am immersed in my children.  They truly are my life.  I do sometimes notice that I have definitely lost a lot of "me" however I wouldn't have it any other way.  For me I have made this choice.  I made the choice to have 3 beautiful children.  I made the choice to be at home with them.  I made the choice to homeschool them.  I want the absolute best for them.

So when the time comes one day when they are older I will have all the time in the world for "me".  So mom bun and leggings it is.  Finding time to simply get my hair done now is a lot more of a challenge.  Don't get me wrong my husband is incredible and would drop everything to give me as much "me" time as I needed.  However let's face it, there is only so many hours in a day.  The last thing I can see myself doing is taking time in the evening for myself when I'm so very exhausted.



   I always point out to mom's who are overwhelmed and struggling to start with something simple.  I have to take reminders from my husband.  Sometimes when we are having a difficult day getting out the door I just have to realize that's ok.  Slow down.  Or when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed sometimes we just have to reset it and have a bubble bath.  On days when homeschooling is a struggle (and trust me we do have those) we just need to put it away.  We need to go outside for a walk or just have time to play.

I am blessed with 3 healthy children.  No issues.  No behaviour issues.  I actually had another mom at one of my sons activities ask me how I do it.  "How the heck do you do 3 and homeschool and still smile".  I only have one and I am overwhelmed.  My response " I don't even know what you are going through because my kids are all healthy, so I give you credit"  She actually offered to pay me to meal plan and grocery shop for her as we were discussing how I felt the importance of nutrition so important to my children health and happiness.  Like I have the time for this service.  So I just wrote her a list of some simple ideas to try.  That is all I have to give.


I have days where I feel like supermom.  Everything goes right and everyone seems to be all on the same planet.  Moods are good, everyone sleeps, and I feel fantastic.  These days I cherish.  Then there are also the ones I struggle through.  Drinking too many cups of coffee to count, staying in pjs all day, and feeling completely out of control.

There is no right or wrong way to do things all we can do as mother's is try to be our absolute best.

So today.  Give yourself a pat on the back.  Sometimes we just need to hear we are doing okay.

Also if you see another mom out there doing a great job be sure to compliment her because I bet she is also struggling with
MOM GUILT!

This may seem so very odd as some of my fun childhood memories are of sleeping over at friends or having them stay over at my house.  However times are so very different.

I had a lovely conversation with a mommy friend mentioning all my concerns and issues surrounding sleepovers and she said “hey we have decided as a family that we will never have sleepovers”.  This made me feel not so crazy.

So many issues I have with sleepovers now a days and honestly it just doesn’t fit for our family.  Maybe because I am such a controlling parent however I am also totally ok with that. I never knew how terrifying being a parent would be until I was in the midst of trying to raise my children.   I would rather have a rule from day one that have to implement this rule later in life due to an unfortunate circumstance.

From what we have seen from sleepovers kids like to stay up late, which can be a tonne of fun however for me as a parent the next day is miserable.  I’ve dealt with my own child suffering from anxiety as well children sleeping over with similar issues.  We have implemented such good routine and sleep habits that we simply don’t want to disrupt this.  I'm currently laughing while typing this because our older two children sleep well.....let me tell you about this 4 month old of ours who has thrown anything we thought we knew right out the window.

Kids now a days have technology readily available and this isn’t something I feel comfortable with as a parent.  We have all of our technology limited and restricted however not every other family is the same.  Imagine if your child has access to Netflix with no parent around. Now imagine another child has an older cousin or friend teaching your child something.  Imagine your child knows how to spell and how readily available very awful things are on the internet.  This makes me very uncomfortable.

Now that we have 3 children we have to take the best interest of the whole family into consideration.  Whether it's our oldest son having a friend sleepover and having his younger sister just next door in her room.  It takes just a minute for something awful to happen.  This is not something I am willing to have as a parental regret.  Now we choose our friends and our childrens friends and they are all great people, however sometimes not great things can be taught to unsuspecting little people.  We may not even be aware of this. I remember as a teenage having sleepovers and sneaking out and let me tell you that we did nothing GOOD!  Chances are most sleepovers are innocent, but I'm not taking any chances.

So rather than having to make this rule at a later date we have chosen to implement this from the start.  We sat our oldest down (who is 7) to discuss this and he was not upset at all.  He completely understood and said it's ok guys I like sleeping in my own bed. 

We discussed our solution to our NO SLEEPOVER POLICY.  This included "late night date night" which is something special, just like sleepovers.  We could go for pizza and a movie and stay up late.  Yet everyone goes home to their own beds.  We also discussed doing family sleepovers.  We could stay over as a family at our friends houses but I don't see that happening any time soon with our baby who doesn't sleep.

I was so very grateful for having reached out to a friend who made me feel a lot less crazy and that my decision was absolutely normal.

For me sleepovers just aren't worth it.  I am just not willing to take any chances I might day regret.

If you homeschool you know what I am talking about.

The odd responses when someone asks if you homeschool.  "Wow! I could never do that I don't have the patience"  "Aren't you worried about socialization?"  "Are you a teacher?"  "Do you actually think you will do this forever?"

First off......I don't reply with things like "do you like your children?"  "do you want to nuture their character?"  "do you even know what they are learning in school right now?"

I'm a mother....first and foremost and there is no right or wrong way to be a mother.  Everyone is struggling to do what they feel is best for their children and their families.  So before you judge someone just realize something.....they are just a mom like you doing what's best for their family.

Now.  I am going to answer all the lovely questions I get asked when someone finds out we homeschool.

1)  Yes it does take a lot of patience and as my husband would say "I could never do what you do however am so grateful that you do homeschool our children".  Yes I have made the choice to give up some of my "me" time in order to raise my children.  Patience is a great asset when homeschooling.  However let's be honest.....and real, it's something we as parents all have to continually work on.  I do also feel like when you comment like "I could never do that!"  I don't really think you look at it at all avenues.  There is many different options.  Co-ops, partial school, or even online school.  I don't know how many of you mom's get your kids up in the morning, rushing out the door, and making lunches but I don't ask you how you do that.  Let's face it....it just works for your family.

2)  NO I'm not worried whatsoever about socialization.  Our homeschool community is great.  On average we are probably doing 3 activities each week with other homeschooled children.  As well as regular extra curriculars such as soccer, taekwondo, and music.  The best part is our children learn to socialize with adults and children of all ages.  I've found that my children are very well rounded and completely social.  You won't see my child look at a kid younger than them and roll their eyes.  We live in a neighborhood with a lot of retired people and at first I was a little nervous because our children would be wandering around and chatting.  I get told regularly by neighbors that they are an absolute joy in the neighborhood and are so incredible to talk to.

3) NO I am not a teacher (no I haven't gone to school to teach children)  but yes I'm a teacher to my own child.  I give teachers so much credit though.  They have to not only deal with children that are not their own all day every week, but they have to deal with many things parents should be dealing with.  I get to focus on their school yes, but also teach and raise them at the same time.  I get to ensure they have manners, compassion, as well as discipline them when needed.  Also how great is it that I get to learn everything again along side my children.

3)  YES I do hope to homeschool my children the whole way through however I am taking each day at a time.  I'm not unrealistic.  If we ever hit a point where it doesn't work for us then we will evaluate it then.  I also know I would NEVER just follow along and put them into public school, but that's a choice we would make as a family.  There is a lot of amazing resources and things along the way that we will absolutely take part in.

So before you judge...take a minute to realize we are all just mom's doing the best for our families.

It's been one month since I delivered our third child and am now just starting to feel less upset.  Both of my previous pregnancies and deliveries were fine.  This one however wasn't.

Now....let's rewind.  I had a GP during my pregnancy.  One who wouldn't listen to me.  One who didn't trust me.  One who I felt did not care.  Throughout my whole pregnancy I measured very large. I was not diabetic.  I just build big babies.  I have proof.  I have had two very large babies and super strong and healthy.  My first son was born at 37 weeks and was 8lbs 8 oz.  My water broke and 10 hours later he was in my arms.

I began to get antsy near the end of my pregnancy.  Growing larger and larger every minute.  I also knew that I had a wedding to shoot 1.5 weeks after my due date.  This shouldn't have been a stress to me if my newborn was going to come on time.  However my doctor kept telling me she couldn't induce or do anything until I was a week over due.  A WEEK OVERDUE!!!!  Did she want me to have a 12 lb baby?  Did she want me to have a c-section?  Did she want me to shoot a wedding 5 days after a supposed c-section.  I began to really start stressing, and was absolutely miserable.  I was referred to an OB who has the ability to induce.  I felt this was going to be my ticket to holding my baby sooner than later.  She was only willing to induce me at 39 weeks however I was willing to take whatever she would give me because I needed this giant baby to come out.  Many people warned me that being induced was way worse.  I had never gone through an induction.  Even the birth of my daughter they ended up just breaking my water and everything progressed very quickly.

Now the day had come.  We woke up and called the hospital and they advised us to come in that morning as they weren't too busy.  Yeah.  I was nervous but excited to be holding my baby soon and bringing him home for the other kids to see.  We got to the hospital at 8 am, where they changed their mind and sent us for lunch until they had a plan.  Slight disappointment had set in however my husband tried to keep me positive.  We went and had an adult meal (rarely do we ever get that) so figured we should take the opportunity.  They called us and we were back at the hospital at 12:30.  They then advised me that they were going to start an induction with Oxytocin.  This wasn't the plan. The plan was to just break my water and let my body do what it needed.  Turns out they weren't willing to do that anymore.  They wanted me hooked up to Oxytocin and have regular contractions before breaking my water.  I had already had 4 weeks of fake labour and regular contractions so I was not a fan of this plan.  My nurse was really good.  She understood my frustration so she tried to get my contractions going as hard and fast as possible.  Finally after I wasn't feeling what I needed, I begged and begged for them to break my water.  After 5 hours of contractions they finally agreed.  Then the moment they broke my water my body did what it needed to do.  The next contraction was insane!  Within 15 minutes I was 10 cm dilated.  Then the dr suggested I have a nap.  Sorry WHAT!!!!  I feel like I need to push.  They didn't want to listen to me even at that point.  Finally I kept saying "you need to check me because he's coming no matter what".  Not even 5 minutes later everyone was getting ready for me to push.  I decided I wanted to try pushing on my side from the beginning as that worked at the end of my delivery of my last baby.  The nurse laughed and said "sweetie you don't have time to roll onto your side this baby is nearly here you wont push long".  This actually gave me a sense of relief.


Then......things went crazy.



I began pushing and only a couple pushes and he was out.  Ahhhh.....time to relax.  No I was wrong.  When I felt him come out all of a sudden 20 people came rushing into the delivery room, people calling for NICU, and people yelling at me to PUSH.  I was so confused.  Why are they all panicking to get the placenta out....calm down people.  I didn't even know what was going on.  Everyone was yelling at me.  Then three nurses started jumping on my stomach.  The dr was doing her best but he was stuck.  He was stuck in my bones!  I had a birth plan.  They knew I wanted delayed cord clamping and skin to skin immediately.  After everyone jumping on my stomach finally his shoulders popped out.  They laid him on my chest.  That's when I looked at my husband in fear.  He was purple.  SO bruised.  He was not breathing.  They were trying to get him breathing but nothing was working.  So they immediately cut the cord and rushed him off to get him breathing.   After what felt like forever (a minute and a half) they put him back on my chest.  He was breathing.  He was pretty scary looking but he was ok.

They advised me that I had to stay as that was an awful delivery and they needed to monitor both baby and myself.  At this point I was so frustrated that nobody listened.  I was so frustrated that my baby was able to get as big 9lb 11oz at 39 weeks.  I feel the delivery went the way it did because I was left too long.  Could you even imagine 2 more weeks.  How big would he have been then?

I got home with baby the next day and I felt so sad.  Never had I thought I would have had an experience like that.  It took me a while to wrap my head around it.  It took me a while to smile again.  I cried a lot.  I was told to take it extremely easy.  This was the hardest part of the last month.  Having 2 other children and being an extremely busy mommy, how was I supposed to just sit.  This definately added to my mood.  I am not longer angry about it.  Just a reality that unfortunately goes on.  Whether its pregnancy or deliveries.....it happens all the time.  People need to advocate for themselves.

I was so lucky to team up with Anchors & Arrows Baby Boutique to capture images of super cute kids wearing amazing custom clothing.  I had heard amazing things about her products when I lived back in Edmonton, AB.

I saw she too moved to Kelowna, BC and I figured this would be a great business relationship.  I sent her a message and we haven't looked back.  We both have a great client base in both Edmonton and Kelowna.

I'm hooked now.  If you haven't ordered anything from her yet you absolutely NEED to.  Her clothing is unique, quality, and made local.  What more could you ask for.  I've finally hit a point that when I order I don't order anything specific I just tell her to send me something, as I've come to learn I adore everything she makes and when given the choice I am what I would call "boring".

Caroline makes clothing from newborn to approx size 5.  Keep this in mind when ordering.  The quality is phenomenal and can be passed down through multiple children.  Whenever my kids are out and about people stop me asking where their clothes are from.  My only complaint is that she doesn't make adult clothes.

Anchors & Arrows has unlimited ideas just simply check out her never ending fabric album.  I have the pleasure of occassionally stopping by her home and checking out the room of fabric which is absolutely overwhelming to me.  I also make sure if I have a gift to buy I check out her ready to ship album as it's always being updated with fantastic new unique items.  Her list of items is unreal.  Rompers, hoodies, dresses, t-shirts and options galore to make your clothing completely custom such as vinyl, tassles, and patches.


I have found that having my children wear quality instead of quantity has saved us money in the long run along with fitting into our unique one of a kind family.  Now.....to begin ordering baby #3's wardrobe.  Eeeekk.